Election Night 2010 – The Tweets

For those of you who didn’t stay up, I went a bit nuts whilst tweeting for the first few hours of the election. Rather than my usual slagging off note, I thought i’d be lazy and copy this here.

Here is the context
1) Read from the bottom up
2) I was watching BBC
3) I seem to have a bit of an obsession with Paxmans cock.

Enjoy

bye bye Stroud. Are there demons inside psycho loseres?

We are all quite shocked that Lembit Opik has lost his seat but as @themanwhofell said “At least he hasn’t lost his dignity”

Bye bye Lembit Opik!!! Now that’s cheeky 🙂

oh fuck why am i still up?

“Fuck me Fiona Bruce Fuck me”

Milliband x 2 – they can both fuck off “My brother is going to be leader”

Ah Andrew marr – can you save the day for the BBC?

How can eyes speak Robinson. Oh maybe on the planet Mekon they do, where YOU ARE FROM

@Schofe He was from the Black Power party. He really is Tommie Smith

Whos the bloke ready for fisting in Gordons’ seat?

Why isn’t there Adrian Chiles on the election coverage. I’m sure he’d be perfect

Ah 100% whole wheat is back

Jeremy Vine is doing his David Copperfield Hands “I’m a magician” Erm no, you are a numpty

I don’t want to go to bed in case tomorrow comes. This is like reverse Christmas.

Maitliss “Come back to us when we’ve got it up” – duuuurty slut 🙂

Nick Robinson really talks basic slag. Hes like hes in the Partridge election speacial

Ahhh Kinnock. He sounds pissed too. And Pantsdown. Its the 90s all over again. Ill listen to Kula Shaker

Bellwether seat. Bellend Seat. Maitliss is a Bellend. Election word association….

Theres a cracking Tash in the background in Kingswood. I want one of those

Kirsty Wark is an obv 3rd on the BBC election tottie list – lets stick her in the background and show off Maitliss and Bruce

Samantha Cameron has a passing similarity to Leonard Nimoy (Wrath of Khan era) with long hair

Its so sad that only 244 people are following possibly my greatest comedy moment. A bit like UKIP

And Andrew Neil. Amazing how a man with 3 shredded wheat on his head has had such a career in visual broadcasting

Oh god Lipman is pisssed as a fart. She sounds like a British Telecom Delia Smith

Oh Paxo, how many people do you want to cut off. I want to be him, then i’d get paid to be a cunt to everyone

Paxman now talking to Hodge. Watch his schlong flop out any second now

Oh its shocking. 100 people can’t vote. Better in Afghanistan. Well dont go to vote 5 mins before it closes you dick!

Ah pouting Fiona Bruce. There to appeal to the dads with her raised eyebrows

Look, Nick Robinson is a Mekon. Can we have a BBC Dan Dare to smash his bones with a little girder?

The election is a disgrace eh Dimble? Don’t knock it mate, its paying your over inflated wages!

Can someone make a rude joke about “Exit Poll” please?

Cameron is going into a pub. For a Stones Ginger Wine?

Based on results so far in, Labour have a majority of 650. Stupid dicks

Dimble going on about “Rather a blow” – sick fucker

How can you say the greens have got Brighton when they’ve not started counting you mong

The bloke reporting from Brighton Pavillion looks like a rejected Thunderbird puppet

I met Margaret Hodge once. She’s shorter than you think

Maitliss – Fuck your ipad!

Dimbleby has NO CLUE what facebook is. Maybe then I can slag him off on it

Ken Clarke – Fat Walrus, but pissing off Paxman

I just a horrid thought of what a bastard lovechild of David Milliband and Phillippa Stroud would look like. I feel so dirty now

Paxman, just get your cock out and slap Harman round the face with it

Cameron has a presidential look – Collins just FUCK OFF a

Oh right BBC political expert is Joan Collins. What the fuck?

@eaudesignlondon Oh come on Ethan, he (milliband)is a slimey cunt. Like Blair but with no redeeming features apart from not being Ed Balls

Maitlis is just a local news presenter who got lucky!

The worst thing about Labour losing is that Milliband will become leader. He’s a slimey cunt

god the BBC goes into Chris Morris style news graphics. Another example of morons. At least Paxman is still trying to antagonise