Internet Dating at its worst

Following on from a normal thread of conversation, I’m going to state the obvious again. I hate Apple, their products and their approach to business. I hate their fetishisation of consumerism. How they have turned innocence into deviance. And today I found possibly the worst example I have seen.

On twitter, an account called Cupidtino started to follow me. As with all new followers, I like to see who they are. There was a moment of great relief when this follower did state on their bio that they “would love to be fucked silly” or “come see me play on their webcam”. The relief stayed for about 3 seconds, until I saw what Cupidtino was – ” the first and only dating app and website exclusively for fans of Apple products”.

My jaw dropped. When I say dropped, I meant it made a pothole of Buster Bloodvessel proportions in the ground.

Although it’s not for me, I can’t see a problem with internet dating for others. Even some of those odd “uniform dating” websites that keep popping up on Facebook – again not for me, but we all know girls who are especially attracted to firemen, or boys especially attracted to nurses (and of course any combination of the above)

But having a fetish or a sexual attraction because someone has an ipad? Well looking a bit deeper into this “Product” it already has a layer of snobbery in it. You can only use it if you have a Mac. Kind of obvious really. And stupid.

They claim to have 30,000 “members”. That’s 30,000 sad fuckers I hope I never have the misfortune to meet. OK I’m an Android fan, yes, but if there was a “Andriod only dating website”, I’d never want to meet anyone on there either. Not that it will ever happen, because android people make phone calls on their mobile phones, or use an app on their phone, or look things up on their phone. They never feel the need to say “Oh I’m just looking it up on my Samsung” or “I’ll give them a call on my HTC”. Because oddly enough, that hideous level of pretentiousness doesn’t exist in that market.

You pay a small monthly fee, but that’s not a complaint about the service. For a dating website, you’d expect that. It’s just the horror that people WOULD join a dating site because of a “love of apple products”* *being a sad lemming

I had a conversation earlier with the very intelligent and witty @Herzformig about “people who take pictures of themselves on mobiles in mirrors so that people can see the hardware” and we came to a clear conclusion that those with iphones do their very best NOT to obscure the logo with their fingers. We found a few examples, as shown below

Smug bignose fanboy

Scary murderous fanboy (notice the clever "show as much phone as possible" method)

I'm a shit photographer fanboy

I'm an extra from Commando who's about to bumped off fanboy

I'm so World of Warcraft fanboy

I'm touching my iPhone like I touch my women fanboy

Man at C&A fanboy

My big twat wedding fangirl

This one REALLY needs no caption fangirl

So there you have it Cupidtino. Please carry on what you are doing. You are not hipsters, you are not cool, your idea is crap, but very sadly not floored. If anyone who reads this is tempted to join such a dating agency, then I would like you to be really offensive to me, and then forget I exist, because frankly, if you are that utterly shallow, I have no intention of knowing you.

Mind you, I may go and get a 2nd hand Mac and sign up. Destruction in a day……

But of course, you’ll be fine. I’ll tell you why? Jesus loves you. See below for proof

I'd love to get hold of the git who did this